Some Old Poetry

Answering the Call

Drunken parties every night…
Large holes of nothingness where memories should be…
Another beer, another shot…
Drink up little girl,
To hide from the pain, the heartache.

The constant game of seduction…
If I can’t love myself, can anyone else?
Another shot, another hit…
Surrounded by “friends,” yet all alone.
A hollowness within my heart,
Filled for a night with blackened deeds,
Only to be empty when morning comes.

A child lost in the stormy night,
Hiding from my grief and sorrows,
Trapped within the maze of my own mind.
Leading myself down a darkened path of destruction…
Running from all light…

Fallen…
I’ve sunk as low as I can go.
Helpless, hopeless, destroyed…
I’m giving up, giving in, ending my own life.

Wait…what’s that?
There’s a voice in the darkness, calling out to me.
But where is this voice coming from?
It’s terrifying. It sounds so powerful…
And yet, just hearing it brings me hope.
I’m so afraid, but I want to follow…

If I follow, where will this voice lead me?
The voice frightens me, and yet draws me in.
I long to hear more…
I crave the hope and comfort that it seems to hold…

I will follow…
I will search out this voice…
This voice that is calling me out of the darkness.

“Who are you?” I finally respond.
“I am the Lord.”
“Why does my heart rejoice in hearing your call?”
“Follow me,” the voice called out again.

“Oh…I don’t like where this path is leading…
Maybe I don’t want to follow…
I can’t bring my things with me,
And I don’t want to leave my friends behind…”
“Sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven:
and come, take up the cross, and follow me,” the voice said to me.
“But…Lord, if that is who you are, how can I leave my life behind?”
“If you will, come after me, deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me,” the Lord
replied.

Just hearing the voice brought comfort,
Believing brought hope and peace and light.
The darkness dimmed around me,
And what’s this I’m feeling?
Is it joy? It couldn’t be…
But I do believe it is.

“What is this feeling, Lord?
I do not understand…”
“I will give you comfort and joy instead of sorrow,” He said.
“But how can I feel joy?” I asked,
“Nothing here has changed.”
“Ah, but you are wrong, my child,” He gently replied.
“It has been written, ‘…if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the
new has come!”

I stand in awe at the world around me;
All colors have taken a brighter hue,
And everything seems so fresh and new.
For the first time in years,
A true smile is on my face and laughter wells within me.

“Oh Lord, You’ve led me from the darkest night into the brightest day!
You’ve given me life far richer than I could have ever dreamed!
Your love, it satisfies,
And Your grace has set me free!
But Lord, why would You do this all for me?”
“Because I love you.”
“But look at all I’ve done. Look at me, I am broken and destroyed. How can You love
me?” I cried.
“My child, your sins I have forgotten. I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have
drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt.”
“But Lord…”
“My daughter, I have numbered the very hairs of your head. My thoughts of you
outnumber the grains of sand; this does not even describe how great my love for you.”

I am silent.
My heart weeps.
“My Lord, my Father, I will ever follow You.
You are my Life and my Salvation,
The Almighty, my Redeemer, Savior, and Friend.
You have rescued me,
And I long to live for You.
I surrender my life into Your hands,
My desire is to do Your will.”



Trust

I hear You saying, "Trust me,"
But Lord, my faith is small.
"Rest upon my promises,
I will not let you fall."

But Father, I'm afraid,
To give you my whole heart,
Can't I hold on to some things,
And just give you a part?

"My child, won't you trust me?
I'm holding out my hand.
My love for you is infinite,
Beyond what you can understand.
Place on me your burdens,
Toss your worries at my feet.
Stop fighting to stay on top of things,
Come rest, come take a seat.
Don't be afraid, I've got this,
The victory is mine.
Turn away from the darkness,
Open your eyes to My sunshine.
I will not let you fall, my child,
Though often you may stray.
My love for you is unending,
It never fades from day to day.
Why wrestle with the devil,
Whose lies will hold you down?
My desire for you is freedom,
And I'll turn your life around.
Past regrets don't matter here,
Nor decisions that went rotten.
Put your trust in me, dear child,
Your sins I have forgotten."


Contradiction
My strength is but a weakness
Standing between You and me,
Any confidence a stumbling block
On this path down which You lead

The world says that I am one
That I must stand tall to get by.
I'm taught to rely on myself alone
In a dog-eat-dog world
I have to fight for my own

You turn these values upside-down
With a love beyond understanding
From King of Kings You became
A baby born in the cattle's home
A man crucified though he'd done no wrong

The greatest of all was a humble man
Who gave His life at His Father's command
So that I might live and be
A sinner whose slate has been wiped clean

Pride keeps my trust locked tight
My strength enough to get by.
Lord, humble me and set me free
Break my heart and make me weak
For You alone are my strength.
Lowly sinner I may be
I live to glorify the King of Kings