I Will Follow

A while ago, I was presented with the opportunity to spend some time in China, starting this summer, teaching English. My uncle moved there years ago to teach English and has not been back to the U.S. since. He and his wife now run the teaching program and knowing that I'm taking some time off from school, he offered me a position with the schools they run. I could live with him and his family and earn money by teaching, not to mention the fact that I would get to do some traveling and experience some pretty cool stuff. I spent some time thinking through the opportunity and praying about it, and I never felt led to say 'yes' or 'no'...so I decided I would go. Since making that decision however, I've been thinking through what that actually means. There are so many things that cause me to wonder if I'm making the right decision. My biggest concern being that my uncle is an atheist and that my faith is illegal in China. I know how much I struggle when I don't have a community of believers around me...and I know that I tend to isolate myself when I'm struggling. Going to China to teach with my uncle's program seems like a really cool chance that I may never have again, but is it worth the risk of losing sight of my faith in Christ? I don't want to think that my faith is would be easily rattled, but consider what life could look like in a new country, where I know no one except my uncle (and I've only met him once, briefly), and where my faith could wind up getting me in a lot of trouble. I want to say that I would stand up for my faith no matter what, but I'm so afraid that I wouldn't. If I don't have a support system, if I don't have community, would I have the strength to continue clinging to the Lord? I would like to hope so...but I don't know, and that scares me.

Also, lets add in that while going to China is a cool opportunity, it's not where my heart is. For quite some time now, I've felt my heart drawn to the 10/40 Window. Yes, China is in the 10/40 Window, but the pull for me has been to the Muslim nations, to places such as India and the Middle East. I want to do ministry there, I want to reach out to the people there! Between my roommate and I, we have at least 10 copies of the Bible in at least 5 different translations, and there are people in the Arab nations, in India, who don't have a Bible, not because they don't want one, but because it's never been translated into their language. There are people who have never accepted Christ, not because they turn their back to the gospel, but because they've never been given the chance to even hear it! It sickens me to think of the privilege that we have in the United States. We have the freedom to believe in Christ, there are churches everywhere, and so many people walk away...while across the world there are thousands, maybe even millions, who have never even been given the chance to hear the good news of Christ. I want to go! I want to reach out to these people! I want to tell them who Jesus is and that He died for them, so that they might be free!

So what do I do? Do I continue on with my plans of going to China to teach with my uncle's program, do I ignore the fact that I know the chances of me falling away from the Lord are strong? Or do I start looking at other options? Do I look into opportunities to go to Muslim nations, maybe Arab nations, within the 10/40 Window? If God wants me to go to China, by all means, I'll go...I want to be open to wherever He leads me, to whatever His will is for me...but right now, I'm not sure what that look like. I was told last night that I haven't seemed excited about China, that it's just something that I've had the opportunity to do and I've said that I'll go for it, but in talking about the Arab nations, Muslim nations, in the 10/40 Window, I am excited about it. That's where my heart lies...that's what I want to do...I'm just not sure where the Lord is leading.

I feel like in writing a blog post, I need to have some sort of conclusion, some pulling together of my jumbled thoughts, but I don't know that that's possible right now. So here's the best I can do... Matthew 9:36-38 says, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.'" I know the amazing truth of the gospel and I am willing and ready to be a laborer for the harvest. My heart's desire is to minister to those in the 10/40 window, however, above that desire is my aim to follow God, wherever He made lead me. Whatever God's will is for my life, that is the goal I will strive to attain, not of my own accord but in the strength of God. Where He leads, I will follow. If He leads me to a mission field of Muslim nations in the 10/40 window; I will go. If He leads me to China, I will go. If it be His will that I stay where I am and live out ministry here, I will do so. No matter if He leads me to ministry abroad or guides me to stay where I am, I will ever be praying that He send out laborers to the harvest and that I will continuously be seeking out His will and direction for my life.